We get used to...
waking up in the morning, startled because it's time to drink coffee fast, because it is running late.
reading the news on the bus because we can not waste time on the trip.
eating sandwiches because we do not have time for a healthy meal.
walking the streets and see posters, opening the magazines and see ads, turning on the television and watch commercials.
struggling to make money, to earn less than we need and to pay more than the things are worth.
living in apartments funds and have no other view than the windows around.
not open all the curtains, and as we get used to it, forget the sun, air, spaciousness.
pollution, artificial light quiver, to shock the eyes lead with natural light.
the bacteria from drinking water, slow death of rivers, contamination of sea water.
war and violence, and accepting war and violence, we acceptn the growing number for the dead. And, accepting the numbers, you agree with no peaceful world.
We get used to all this not to suffer... We get used not to grate on the roughness to preserve the skin.
We get used to all this to save our own lives... Which gradually pass, and so much getting used to, it loses itself.
We get used to all this, I know... but we should not.
The silly, for not minding with ambitions, has time to see, hear and touch the world. The silly is able to sit almost motionless for two hours. If asked why not do something, he replies: "I'm doing! I'm thinking.."
Being silly sometimes offers a "world" of outputs because the smart only remembers leaving through cunning, and the fool has originality, it comes spontaneously to his mind.
The silly has the opportunity to see things which the smart does not see.
Smart people are always so attentive to others' cunning that they relax before the silly, and then the silly sees them as mere human beings. The silly gains utility and wisdom to live. The silly seems to have never had his turn. However, often the silly is a "Dostoyevsky."
There is a downside for being silly, of course. A silly, for example, relied on the word of a stranger to the purchase of a refrigerated air second hand: he said the device was new, almost unused and that he was selling it because he had moved to a cooler place. Then the silly purchased the device without seeing it at all. Result: not working. Called a technician, the views of this was that the unit was so damaged that repair would be expensive: added value to buy another.
But, on the other hand, the advantage of being silly is to have good faith, not to be suspicious, being so very quiet, while smart doe not sleep at night for fear of being cheated. Smart wins but with a stomach ulcer. The silly does not realize when he wins.
Warning: Do not confuse silly with donkey.
Disadvantage: the silly can get a stab of those who he least expects. It is one of sadness that the silly does not provide. Caesar finished saying the famous words: "Even you, Brutus?"
Silly does not complain. On the other hand, he exclaims!
Silly, with all his antics, many of them must be in heaven.
The silly is always so friendly that there are some smarts who try to pose for silly. Being silly is a creativity and, as all creation it is difficult. That's why smart can not go through silly. Smart gains of others. In contrast silly makes a living.
Blessed is the silly because he knows and the smart does not suspect.
In fact the silly does not care to know if he knows...
Sometimes it is inevitable to miss someone and many of these times is not worth it. It's someone who has hurt us, someone who lied, that failed.
He did what was not to be done or simply did not love us as we deserve to be loved...
As it is inevitable to miss, it is also inevitable waste time with thoughts that should be very far apart.
And that question in wonder even until thoughts will harass and take the peace to move forward without that feeling, feeling of missing...
Missing who makes us happy hurts, imagine missing someone who deserves receiving nothing, much less this so good feeling of longing...
Longing comes and hits us until we get tired, and when we get tired of being beaten the scar comes and is effective,but while it does not heal, it hurts... It hurts to cry for the lost time, for the hurt we created in who really loves us, and the regret of having given in to this crazy love , having made all these blunders...
I'm sure it would be better if I had not met some kind of people, not gone to sites of relationships or to have answered emails or even have heard that charming voice...
People feel happy to hurt, they hurt our heart smiling, make we cry and leave us and go away in a flash that makes us think we are the ultimate romantic, the last passionate person...
But now it's too late, all is gone and thankfully what remained was the learning. Mistakes are made once, but the second is stupid and this is a lesson, because no one has the right to come to us smiling and then go away leaving us crying and breathless...
No one can break a heart that always fought to stay whole, no one has the right to minimize our smile...
That's why I go on always smiling, and pray for who has made me cry one day. I ask God to pity this stupid and unfortunate person, ask God that his own love overflows reaching his '' being '' who does not even know what it is to love himself.
I write a paragraph and run to see if "you" are on.
And I write a line and run to see if you have texted a message to me...
Or I do not write anything and also do not run, just let you come here and sit by my side in my thought... And I find myself smiling, alone...
And I find myself not caring about all the rest...
But you know what happens in the meantime?
While I do not move because I am overflowing you from my heart and moving weighs too much?
The world lives. The world turns. Important people sign contracts, earn money. And simple people fighting for a place in a bus, a place in the world. They are all struggling for a better life. They are all doing something more important and more mature than sigh like an idiot and just thinking about you...
I'm very envious of these wonderful, concious people,
evolved and smart who can separate the time to go to a meeting with friends from the time to wish to meet someone who exists only in my dreams...
May come the time for me to prefer receiving a warm hug of somebody who loves me than wishing crazily to hug someone heartless... my longing...
May come the time for me to prefer to look for the word "gloomy" in the dictionary than to be always getting lost in your untrue loving and caring words that never comes out of my mind...
May the time come for me to be entire and the time to pick up my pieces around the world and not waiting for you to send me dismembered signals anymore...
I can not do the right things...
I get confused, mix all, and mess everyhing...
My only question is if I'm the only idiot to do this to me or if...
I'm the only idiot to admit that I do this to myself...
My deepest will now is to disappear ...
To forget you ... To hide myself ...
But at the same time I want to meet you, to kiss you and tell you how much I love you and that you are too important in my life for me to leave ...
I also want to shake you and say that you're a sucker for letting me go and losing me like that ...
But my greatest desire is to forget you ... To delete you from my life ... I know I will never have you...
At the same time, I remember you every morning ... Thinking of you, listening to your voice makes me sleep so better ...
Then I realize: IT'S ME!!! My desires are too bipolar. The only thing that is not bipolar is my deep desire to have you by my side ... To listen to your voice...
To see your true face...
Yes ... I chose you ... among some who wants me, I chose you. You are the one...
You, who never wanted me... who never loved me... But...That's life...
If they gave me the chance to have one last request, I would choose you ...
If life were to end today or a thousand years from now... I would choose you ...
But this game is so tiring... And I am exhausted...
Hey, you fool, can you not look at me with devotion, especially because I'm here almost overwhelmed without your presence?
No, I can not say that...
Hey, old man, can you please hold me as if we're falling off a bridge because I'm here without ground without your presence?
No, I can not say that...
Hey, garbage monster, can you kiss me as a final movie kiss because I'm here without saliva, no air, no life without your presence?
Definitely not... better not say that...
Love can not be asked... It's a pitty...
It's sad to love this much and so much love not be useful. So much love trying to make him happy...
But love, you know, love is not asked.
Love declares...
But do you know what? He knows.. he knows...
He's not just a guy ..
And this guy yes, warms my hands and listen to my insults and wisecracks with the same attachment. He has not left me to rot there where I could not bother. It is different from all that is wrong in my world and other worlds.
I could say that he saved my life if it did not sound so dramatic.
He does not make plans or promises, only surprises, taught me to like surprises. He is different. He's not just a guy.
He hears me as if he understands me, speaks as one who knows what to say and does not say anything often, because he understands the silences... He exists...
I know we would be good friends, good partners, good enemies, but I prefer to be his woman...
And I know that we will be important in the history of each other forever, regardless of whatever is going to happen. Because he is not just a guy...
I do not want just a guy...
And he's everything I want... today...
