Allow yourself

WHO AM I?
An unusual woman.
The light and the pitch ...
Exotic and ordinary.
Yes, this is possible!
I'm a swinging.
Sometimes error, in other times awesome!
Fickle eternal ...
I Love infinitely!
I Fall in love ... I go crazy.
Body, soul and mind!
That I even forget myself.
My eyes are an infinite well ...
Of love, enchantment, kindness ...
Look at them for a minute!
And you will see the whole truth.
I'm not perfect ...
Or the owner of the truth!
But I own myself.
I am owner of my will.
I spread my essence in the air ...
My love ... My desires.
I write what my soul cries out ...
If you like it or not I don't mind.
I am someone you can count on...
Always.
Someone who will make you laugh ...
And cry.
Because I am transparent.
I am real.
Friend ... Lover ...
I am a Warrior.
I will give you a hand ... Lap ... Hug
I'll give you my heart.
I do not know to love just a bit
Be just a bit ...
Give just a bit ...
I am a woman who knows herself deeply...
Someone who dares and risks.
A woman who, like many others,  laughs ... cries ... and loves!
I allow myself...

The Silence

Worse than a voice that hushes, is the silence that speaks...

Simple, fast! And what a strength!

Suddenly some situations came to my mind where the silence told me terrible truths because, you know, silence is not given to amenities. 

A dumb phone... An email that never comes... 

A meeting where neither one opens his mouth. Silences that speak about indifference, neglect, refusal...

How many things are said in the stillness, after an argument. Forgiveness does not come, or a kiss, or a laugh to end the tension. Only it, alone, remains unchanged... the silence, the anteroom of the end. 

It is a thousand times better to hear things we do not want to hear, because at least the said words indicate an attempt of understanding.

Vocal cords running articulate arguments, expose their grievances, play fair. But the silence architect plans that are not shared. 

When nothing is said, nothing is agreed... 

How many times in a hysterical discussion, we heard one of them shout, "Say something, but do not stand there just looking at me!" It is the silence of one sending bad news to the dispair of the other.

Of course there are many situations where silence is welcome...

Even in love, when the relationship is solid and mature, the silence does not bother because it is the silence of peace, of understanding...

The only silence that disturbs is the one that "speaks"... And speaks very loud. It is when no one knocks at our door, there are no messages on the computer, but even though... you get the message.

So...end of the story...

Martha Medeiros

Pieces of my heart..

"To love not being loved back hurts so much that we get humble and see the world as it really is, but at the same time we get so giant that we feel the pain of all humanity... 

To love without being loved back hurts so much that suddenly it does not hurt anymore, because all deep pain is so unbearable that produces its own anesthesia..."

"The great feelings of love are exactly like that: they give us the way to the emotion... but the feelings are really only ours, no one copies, no one takes, no one divides..."

"My love for you is a disease, an obsession. I feel nausea, fever, all my muscle aches. I wake up scared in the night. I cry for nothing..."

"I just need to live my life... I just need to erase the dream that makes me myopic and doesn't allows me to see beyond..."

"And as more and larger reasons you and life give me not to feel it... guess what? Yes, love grows... irresponsible, without food, without hope and of a huge stupidity... still, strong and growing..."

"The end of a love is even sadder than the end of our lives.

My love is tired, burned out, it wants to leave me to be reborn later, beautiful and pure, in another corner... but I do not want another corner, I want to insist on our corner..."

"As much as all the therapies in the world, all aid self of the universe and all my experienced friends tell me I need definitely to forget you, my soul cries out here inside me that, even feeling joy as I do, the party is always half full.

It's you who I always look for,  with my loud laugh, with my human destruction in parties, because I have to celebrate even with my loneliness tired of cheating itself..."

"I'm going to trick me again, pretending that I love you sometimes, as if I do not love you now and will not, forever."

"Today I woke up in a different house, in a different room, with no crutch, no makeup. My friends are busy, my mom can not suffer for me... 

Today I woke up with nothing in the stomach, with nothing in the heart, with nowhere to run, without lap, no place to pull over, with nobody to blame... 

Today I woke up with no one to love, but then I looked at the mirror and saw for the first time ever, the only person who can really make me happy..."

"At last I stopped feeling sorry for myself for being without you, and I started to feel sorry for you for being without me... Poor you..."

Tati Bernardi

Definitive

Definitive, as everything that is simple...
Our pain does not come from experienced things, but from the things that were dreamed and were not fulfilled.

Why suffering? Because automatically we forget what we have enjoyed and we suffer for our unfulfilled projections, such as each city that we wished to have been next to our love and we never did, for all the shows and books and silences that we would like to have shared, but not shared. For all the kisses canceled, for eternity.

We suffer not because our work is exhausting and paid little, but for all the free time that we no longer have to go to the movies, to chat with a friend, to swim, to date.

We suffer not because our mother is impatient with us, but for all the times when we could be confiding her our deepest anxieties if she were interested in understanding us.

We suffer not because our team lost, but by the smothered euphoria.

We suffer not because we are getting older, but because the future is being confiscated from us, thus preventing a thousand adventures to happen to us, all those with which we dreamed and we have never got to experience.

Why do we  suffer so much for love? The right would be we not suffer, just thank for having known a person so nice, which generated an intense feeling in us and that shared companionship for a reasonable time, a happy time.

How to ease the pain of what has not been  lived? The answer is as simple as a verse: Just eluding less and living more truly!

The more I live, the more I realize that the waste of life is in the love we don't share, in the strength that we do not use, in the selfish prudence that risks nothing, and that , dodging the suffering, we also lose happiness.

Pain is inevitable... But  Suffering is optional ...

Sadness

If I tell you that today I woke up sad, it was hard to get out of bed, even though the sun was showing outside and the sky inviting to the party of living, even though there were many steps to take, and I woke up sad and lazy to fulfill the rituals that I did not even pay attention to what I was doing like bathing, putting on some clothes, going to the computer, going out for shopping and for meetings...
If I say that was so, what will you say? If I tell you that today was not a day like the others, I did not find the energy not even to feel guilty for my lethargy, that today I woke up slowly and late and I had no desire for anything, how will you react?

Will you say: "cheer up"! and recommend me an antidepressant, or will you say that there are many people living  much more serious stuff than me (even not knowing the reason for my sadness)? 
Will  you tell me to put light clothes on, to listen to an invigorating music and go back to being the one who I have always been... a strong woman?

You will do this because you like me, but also because you are one more that does not tolerate sadness, not mine, not yours, nor anyone's. 
Sadness is considered an anomaly of humor, a contagious disease, it is better to be eliminated from the first symptom. 
Did you not smile today? Medicine. Did you feel like crying for nothing? Very serious, phone already for your psychiatrist.

The truth is that I woke up sad today, but everything is normal. When I'm sad, everything is normal too. Because being sad is common, it is as legitimate as feeling joy, it is a record of my sensibility, which sometimes laughs in group, other times searches for the silence and the solitude. Being sad is not being depressed.

Depression is very serious, continuous and complex thing. Being sad is to be attentive to myself, is to be disappointed with someone, or with myself, is to be a little tired of certain repetitions, is to discover me fragile on any given day, with no apparent reason.

Some people say that being sad with no aparent reason is a shame! Ok. Is it? Better to get out to parties, better to force a smile, better to say that it's alright, better to release the face. 
"I do not want to see you so sad," whispered Roberto Carlos(a brazilian singer) in the midst of his song. Everyone sings the sadness, but few people face it indeed. The efforts are not to understand it, but to disguise it, to choke it... 
The sadness, humble, just wants to enjoy it's right to exist, to ensure it's space in this society that exalts only the joy and that suspects who is so silent. 
Of course it is better to be happy than to be sad but even better is no one depriving me to feel what I feel. 

There are days that I am not to samba, to rock, to hip-hop, and not for seeking magic pills to camouflage my insight, or to accept invitations to parties where I have nothing to offer... 
Let me still... because stillness is storage of strength and wisdom...
Soon I will be  back... 
I always come back... 
Announcing the end of another pain... 
And then... comes the next...

http://youtu.be/RTCwbRUGDVE

Martha Medeiros

A new attempt of scam

DESPITE THE LAST AND RECENT RIDICULOUS ATTEMPT OF A SCAM IN ME FROM A ROMANCE SCAMMER, AGAIN, I'D LIKE YOU TO KNOW GENTLEMEN, THAT WHATEVER YOU DO, I WILL NEVER LOSE MY FAITH IN HUMAN BEINGS, BECAUSE I STILL BELIEVE THERE ARE VERY GOOD PEOPLE IN THIS CRAZY BUT WONDERFUL WORLD...

I STILL BELIEVE IN PEOPLE...
THOSE PEOPLE WHO HAVE "A SOMETHING" ELSE...
THOSE ONES THAT WE SOMETIMES CONFUSE WITH ANGELS...
THOSE PEOPLE WHO ARE IN OUR LIVES AND FILL OUR SPACES WITH JOY AND GOOD AND GREAT ATTITUDES...
THOSE PEOPLE WHO LOOK STRAIGHT IN OUR EYES WHEN THEY TALK TO US AND ARE ALWAYS TRUE...
THOSE WHO PRAISE US AND THAT APOLOGIZE WITH A SIMPLICITY OF A CHILD...
THOSE WHO ARE SWEET BUT FIRM, STRONG AND BRAVE PEOPLE...
THOSE ONES WHO ARE TRANSPARENT, FRIENDLY, SOMETIMES EVEN NAIVE...
THOSE THAT WITH A SMILE, A KISS, A HUG OR WITH A SIMPLE WORD MAKE US SO HAPPY...
THOSE WHO MAKE MISTAKES BUT THAT ALSO HIT...
THOSE WHO ARE NOT AFRAID TO SAY: I DON'T KNOW...
THOSE ONES WHO CAN STILL DREAM...
THOSE WHO MAKE THE DIFFERENCE...
AND SPECIALLY THOSE PEOPLE WHO CAN STILL LIVE INTENSILY  A GREAT LOVE...

Denise Morcillo

http://youtu.be/nYWMhzIRzuU

My last message to... Whoever

Yes you did again...

I know you have been coming to talk to me and make mockery of me all the time. You used to say that I was playing with your feelings and all I wanted was go on chatting with you just for having fun.

No. I didn't. All I wanted was being by your side... You, the owner of that voice who talked to me on the phone, that I love so much. Because you the owners of the "faces", I dont know who you are and it doesn't matter anymore.

Then I know you came to talk to me sometimes on hangouts, but always disguised, as you are used to live: pretending you are another person... I know you did. But just to make mockery of me, and to confuse me, just for revenge, because you shall hate me very hard,  and because you knew I would get crazy, as you used to say I am, and you got it. But although you wanted to play with me and make me confuse about all that mess, what you did was very good for me, because I can't hold anymore...

I am very tired of loving you, of not being able to forget you, of feeling that maybe you are there on g+ watching all my movements...Maybe you are not. Maybe my head has constructed this idea...My obsession maybe? I know nothing anymore...

My heart was quiet. I did not forget you but I was being able to go on posting and talking on hangouts with some virtual friends... Many of them I have blocked, but some talk to me with respect and like a real friend... But then all those coincidences...will it be? I don't know...

So I decided: And I don't wanna  play this game anymore. I have no more age for that... I am so tired...I want peace of mind...

I said here that all I wanted was to hear your voice once more... Then, somebody came to talk to me and this is part of our conversation:

Saturday, November 1, 2014 6:46 PM

f...

Hello dear your profile is worth a million glance can i be a friend ?

Denise

Sure You can 

Welcome!

f...

wow thanks so much for that

My name is f... from Oklahoma united state i work with US military presently here in  Kabul Afghanistan for  peacekeeping mission and you?

note: very interesting... the same story I told you about other scammers who came to talk to me...where you testing me? But I thought this was one of those stupid scammers that sometimes still come to talk to me and I pretended I did not realize...    

Denise

I am Denise from Brasil, nutritionist 2 adult kids. a widow for some years, and nowadays in a relationship. Not married.

f...

thanks so much for accepting me as a friend i really appreciate

Denise

you are welcome my friend. If you want to talk sometimes... I just don't video chat ok? 

f...

ok dear

if you don't mind can i ask you something?

Denise

yes sure

f...

what can a friend like me do to always put a smile on your face whenever you are online to talk to me?

Denise

I have always a smile on my face dear. If we are friends we must be true to each other. Just that. I am tired of liers and people who live to cheat. And nowadays I have been on line all day unless on all weekends. We can talk whenever I am here. 

But... do you have a face?

The face you see here is me

Who are you faceless friend? 

f...

wow you are so beautiful dear

Denise 

thank you...but I am not that beautiful...

f...

smile

 I have a daughter she is 17 years old her name is Anity    

i lost my wife 5 years back in a car crash

note: OMG! His wife died in a car crash!!! 

Denise 

Oh this is bad

Never married again?

f...

i just promised myself to stay single for now

Denise

why? don't you miss somebody to love?

f...

smile 

why did you ask?

Denise

because everybody does

And I feel happy that I am in love even not being loved back. For me it's very important to have my heart always beating for someone as I have now....

f...

smile

you are worth to call a friend and i believe that a friends worth is in your hope i'm right?

i just wish that i can hear your cool, sexy, charming voice deep down my head

Denise

how can you say I have cool, sexy, and charming voice? Don't you think you may be wrong???

f...

lol

that i believe 

Denise

Ohhh so you are a believer. That's good! I am one too...and I bet you have strong but soft voice... am I right?

f...

if you don't mind send me your phone number

Denise

I don't mind but you know I have a boy friend...and very jealous. And now I am going to the movies. Would you mind if we talk other time? We can exchange our phone numbers and if you have whatsapp we can talk there too. I have to confesss I liked very much to talk to you. And I hope we can talk other times and even to make a phone call so you and I can be sure about our voices...

f...

thanks so much for that 

please just send me your phone number and I promise to call you (note: I did not ask you to call me here...I had said before in a text I posted here that I wish I could hear your voice again even for a second...)

Denise

I would like also to see your face. No need to be now but next time we talk. May I??? 

Pleasure to talk to you

Hope you have a nice day? night?. Hope you have always peaceful days and that God bless you...always...

Hugs

My phone number.... 55 21 9.....

f...

sorry i did not ask where are you from?

Denise

I am from Rio de Janeiro. BRASIL

See you....

Bye for now (note: like a fool I still love those words...)

Kisses

On your cheeks :))

Sunday, November 2, 2014 2:57 PM

note: after some texts kind of Control C  Control V...

f...

ok

why i was asking all that is because I can't change your past with all its heartache and pain, nor the future with its untold stories hope i'm right?

Denise

what heartache you are talking about?

f...

your past

I can always be there now when you need me to care. I can't keep your feet from stumbling. I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.

do you know what my mum told me about friendship?

Denise

Please tell me. Your mom still alive?

f...

yes

Denise

tell me what she says

f...

she told me that a friend in need is a friend indeed

Denise 

beautiful dear

but I am not a person in need to have a friend to tell him my pains. 

I told you, I am well with myself and with my heart broken...

but my heart is quieter now

f...

heart broken

???

Denise

yes somebody I still have stuck on my heart

But this is past

He vanished and I am ok

f...

why what happened

Denise

Ohhh It's a long story...

May I tell you some other time?

f...

dear you can tell me now i am all yours

note:then you linked THIS SONG!!!

stuck on you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1drFiNiw50

Denise

yes I know this song...

I made a video myself with this song...

f...

smile

note: you just smiled and no more comments. Laughing at me... the video I did for you with this song...

and then another song

the strenght of a woman

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mILsx_c-vXw

note: what? The strenght of a woman? But I have to confess I did not listen to this one. I was listening today. So after rereading our conversation, and listening to this song I got sure you were here talking to me...

Denise

Never heard this one

I am going to listen later ok?

f...

you are just to beautiful to be you dear

note: you strangely said that and linked this song below that I have to confess I did not listen to it all... again...

you'll be in my heart

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxjapzOk1DU&list=PLMufE2NSPYOwPlJnRYtW-blFK4zr5W2K6

Denise

I am just too beautiful to be me??? Could you please "translate" it for me

I mean explain me better

f...

smile

the last song i sent to you will explain better

note:with those words you were laughing at me but as I did not listen to the song I did not relize it, and like a fool I said:

Denise

ohh ok thank you

f...

hope you understand now?

note: I had not listen so... I had not understood...but I said:

Denise

beautiful...

thank you...

f...

any time you need a friend

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Li6vpAMmfw0&list=PLzV_uqPqPQVq-SnkkeXjAa7Li2ENqDKSU

hope you will do that dear?

note: with this song above you were teasing me because you are sure I have abandoned you...

Denise

Lets begin with:

What kind of music you like?

f...

smile

blues and you?

Denise

no way

really???

f...

smile (note: always laughing at me) 

Denise

not worth like this

you have seen my profile...

what more you know about me???

let me tell you

I have a cat girl, and have to give her some food

can you give me 5 min?

come right back ok?

f...

ok baby i will always wait for you (note: teasing me 

right?)

Denise 

thanks 

I am back

tell me one song you like

are you there?

f...

yes baby

Denise

tell me

one song you like

f...

Lionel Richie - All Night Long

Denise

this is not blue...it's dancing...

f...

do you know that song i'm talking about

Denise 

all night long??? yes dear

I know it

not blues

f...

can you sing it for me?

Denise

hahaha

no I can't. I can sing for you...."Hello" by Lionel 
Ritchie too

I love it

f...

all night long

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqAvFx3NxUM&spfreload=10

Denise

Yeah! Nice song!

f...

just for you and i dear

note: kind of reggae right? How fool I was never realizing...You love reggae...
And you laughing at me all the time

Denise

thanks

f...

how is tonight going to be like within you and i dear?

Denise

meaning....?

you are so far...

how can we have a night together?

f...

I believe someday and somehow 

when  do you want me to come over to your country to see you?

Denise

come now...then you can hold me tight and kiss me, and....

I want you now

Can you come?(note: just kidding...)

f...

smile

you always put a smile on my face each 
time I'm with you(you used to tell me that all the time, although I know it's a cliché of scammers...)
how did you learn that?

Denise

I feel good when I do that...

but it's not on purpose

I have never learned that

f...

do you watch the Olympics?

Denise

Yes 

why?

tell me

what sport you most like???

f...

Most people like to watch the Olympics, because they only happen once every 4 years, but I'd rather talk to you cause the chance of meeting someone so special like you only happens once in a lifetime

note: laughing at me all the time...I can feel you hate me very deep...

f...

what did you eat today?

Denise

nothing...I want to starve...

f...

why?

Denise

just kidding...

f...

why do you want to hot yourself?

Denise

I am a nutritionist dear

I eat only healthy food

how about you?

what do you like to eat?

f...

just waiting for your own food dear

Denise

what?

you want to eat me?

f...

smile

do you really know how to cook?

note: I never told you here I knew how to cook... I told you about that when we used to talk in the past...

Denise

I am not a cooker... I am a nutritionist. But I cook good

do you cook?

you never tell me anything about you!!!!

I asked you what kind of food you like. Could you pleeeease tell me dear???

f...

i know how to cook very well 

Denise

what would you cook for me?

f...

dont worry i will cook something nice for you when we see each other

when are you going to come online tomorrow?

Denise

when do you want me to be online?

for you to tell me more about you with your heart opened, and make me fall for you

tell me the time

I will be here

f...

smile

are you falling for me?

Denise

who knows??? Life is so full of surprises!!!

note: I was still thinking this was a scammer but  not you...

f...

smile 

not so fast

Denise

night night dear

f...

you'll be in my heart

https://www.youtube.com/watch?

v=git6DCXSqjE&list=RDgit6DCXSqjE#t=0

note: Then you left this link with the same song


you linked in the beginning when you said that 


I was just too beautiful to be me and also said 


that I would understand after listening to the 


music.

But this time the song is by Phil Collins and 


have lyrics, so you were quite sure I would 


understand.

I began to listen to it later, and got completely 

astonished with the... coincidence???


Who was this mysterious man here? If he were 


not you, for sure was somebody who knew a lot 


about ourselves and was here talking to me 


just for having fun... 

Denise

thanks dear

I love this song....

By the way

f...

smile

note:you laughing at me again...

Denise

nothing

let it be

sweet dreams

bye dear

AFTER THAT, YOU VANISHED... AGAIN...
LEAVING ME HERE LIKE CRAZY TRYING TO UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS THIS WEIRD CONVERSATION, WHO CAME TO TALK TO ME JUST TO LET ME MISS YOU MORE AND FEEL MORE CONFUSE...

So on november 4th I received a call from an unknown number on the number I gave to you that is my second chip. But I did not pick up the phone. I was so afraid it was really you...  The principal number is the one we used to talk in the past that of course you don't have anymore.

That's it Whoever. I don't want to play this game anymore. I am not even sure if this one is really you...

You have no idea about what I feel for you...It's so hard, and I go on feeling such a pain... And I am very used of feeling pain, even though I maintain all my joy...

And that's life...

And I feel I need right now to do something for 

myself , not to get completely crazy because of you...

From the bottom of my heart I wish I was able to know if you are ok, if you are happy and healthy.
And I hope you are ok. And hope you have someone you love and who loves you and takes care of you.

BUT AS I POSTED ON MY PROFILE...

FACING THIS HUGE QUESTION MARK THAT IS

MY  FUTURE , I REFORMULATED MY BELIEFS : 

I AM GIVING ME THE RIGHT TO NOT THINK SO 

MUCH , TO CHARGE ME STILL LESS,  AND LEAVE

SOME THINGS TO, MAYBE, UNDERSTAND 

LATER ...

I QUIT WRESTLING THE BOAT , AND DECIDED

TO ADMIRE THE LANDSCAPE... 

I love you baby... Take care... God bless you

Denise Morcillo

CHEERS BABY

BE HAPPY