The only idiot

I write a paragraph and run to see if "you" are on.
And I write a line and run to see if you have texted a message to me...
Or I do not write anything and also do not run, just let you come here and sit by my side in my thought... And I find myself smiling, alone...
And I find myself not caring about all the rest...

But you know what happens in the meantime? 
While I do not move because I am overflowing you from my heart and moving weighs too much?
The world lives. The world turns. Important people sign contracts, earn money. And simple people fighting for a place in a bus, a place in the world. They are all struggling for a better life. They are all doing something more important and more mature than sigh like an idiot and just thinking about you...

I'm very envious of these wonderful, concious people,
evolved and smart who can separate the time to go to a meeting with friends from the time to wish to meet someone who exists only in my dreams... 
May come the time for me to prefer receiving a warm hug of somebody who loves me than wishing crazily to hug someone heartless... my longing...
May come the time for me to prefer to look for the word "gloomy" in the dictionary than to be always getting lost in your untrue loving and caring words that never comes out of my mind...
May the time come for me to be entire and the time to pick up my pieces around the world and not waiting for you to send me dismembered signals anymore...

I can not do the right things...
I get confused, mix all, and mess everyhing...

My only question is if I'm the only idiot to do this to me or if... 
I'm the only idiot to admit that I do this to myself...