Allow yourself

WHO AM I?
An unusual woman.
The light and the pitch ...
Exotic and ordinary.
Yes, this is possible!
I'm a swinging.
Sometimes error, in other times awesome!
Fickle eternal ...
I Love infinitely!
I Fall in love ... I go crazy.
Body, soul and mind!
That I even forget myself.
My eyes are an infinite well ...
Of love, enchantment, kindness ...
Look at them for a minute!
And you will see the whole truth.
I'm not perfect ...
Or the owner of the truth!
But I own myself.
I am owner of my will.
I spread my essence in the air ...
My love ... My desires.
I write what my soul cries out ...
If you like it or not I don't mind.
I am someone you can count on...
Always.
Someone who will make you laugh ...
And cry.
Because I am transparent.
I am real.
Friend ... Lover ...
I am a Warrior.
I will give you a hand ... Lap ... Hug
I'll give you my heart.
I do not know to love just a bit
Be just a bit ...
Give just a bit ...
I am a woman who knows herself deeply...
Someone who dares and risks.
A woman who, like many others,  laughs ... cries ... and loves!
I allow myself...

The Silence

Worse than a voice that hushes, is the silence that speaks...

Simple, fast! And what a strength!

Suddenly some situations came to my mind where the silence told me terrible truths because, you know, silence is not given to amenities. 

A dumb phone... An email that never comes... 

A meeting where neither one opens his mouth. Silences that speak about indifference, neglect, refusal...

How many things are said in the stillness, after an argument. Forgiveness does not come, or a kiss, or a laugh to end the tension. Only it, alone, remains unchanged... the silence, the anteroom of the end. 

It is a thousand times better to hear things we do not want to hear, because at least the said words indicate an attempt of understanding.

Vocal cords running articulate arguments, expose their grievances, play fair. But the silence architect plans that are not shared. 

When nothing is said, nothing is agreed... 

How many times in a hysterical discussion, we heard one of them shout, "Say something, but do not stand there just looking at me!" It is the silence of one sending bad news to the dispair of the other.

Of course there are many situations where silence is welcome...

Even in love, when the relationship is solid and mature, the silence does not bother because it is the silence of peace, of understanding...

The only silence that disturbs is the one that "speaks"... And speaks very loud. It is when no one knocks at our door, there are no messages on the computer, but even though... you get the message.

So...end of the story...

Martha Medeiros

Pieces of my heart..

"To love not being loved back hurts so much that we get humble and see the world as it really is, but at the same time we get so giant that we feel the pain of all humanity... 

To love without being loved back hurts so much that suddenly it does not hurt anymore, because all deep pain is so unbearable that produces its own anesthesia..."

"The great feelings of love are exactly like that: they give us the way to the emotion... but the feelings are really only ours, no one copies, no one takes, no one divides..."

"My love for you is a disease, an obsession. I feel nausea, fever, all my muscle aches. I wake up scared in the night. I cry for nothing..."

"I just need to live my life... I just need to erase the dream that makes me myopic and doesn't allows me to see beyond..."

"And as more and larger reasons you and life give me not to feel it... guess what? Yes, love grows... irresponsible, without food, without hope and of a huge stupidity... still, strong and growing..."

"The end of a love is even sadder than the end of our lives.

My love is tired, burned out, it wants to leave me to be reborn later, beautiful and pure, in another corner... but I do not want another corner, I want to insist on our corner..."

"As much as all the therapies in the world, all aid self of the universe and all my experienced friends tell me I need definitely to forget you, my soul cries out here inside me that, even feeling joy as I do, the party is always half full.

It's you who I always look for,  with my loud laugh, with my human destruction in parties, because I have to celebrate even with my loneliness tired of cheating itself..."

"I'm going to trick me again, pretending that I love you sometimes, as if I do not love you now and will not, forever."

"Today I woke up in a different house, in a different room, with no crutch, no makeup. My friends are busy, my mom can not suffer for me... 

Today I woke up with nothing in the stomach, with nothing in the heart, with nowhere to run, without lap, no place to pull over, with nobody to blame... 

Today I woke up with no one to love, but then I looked at the mirror and saw for the first time ever, the only person who can really make me happy..."

"At last I stopped feeling sorry for myself for being without you, and I started to feel sorry for you for being without me... Poor you..."

Tati Bernardi

Definitive

Definitive, as everything that is simple...
Our pain does not come from experienced things, but from the things that were dreamed and were not fulfilled.

Why suffering? Because automatically we forget what we have enjoyed and we suffer for our unfulfilled projections, such as each city that we wished to have been next to our love and we never did, for all the shows and books and silences that we would like to have shared, but not shared. For all the kisses canceled, for eternity.

We suffer not because our work is exhausting and paid little, but for all the free time that we no longer have to go to the movies, to chat with a friend, to swim, to date.

We suffer not because our mother is impatient with us, but for all the times when we could be confiding her our deepest anxieties if she were interested in understanding us.

We suffer not because our team lost, but by the smothered euphoria.

We suffer not because we are getting older, but because the future is being confiscated from us, thus preventing a thousand adventures to happen to us, all those with which we dreamed and we have never got to experience.

Why do we  suffer so much for love? The right would be we not suffer, just thank for having known a person so nice, which generated an intense feeling in us and that shared companionship for a reasonable time, a happy time.

How to ease the pain of what has not been  lived? The answer is as simple as a verse: Just eluding less and living more truly!

The more I live, the more I realize that the waste of life is in the love we don't share, in the strength that we do not use, in the selfish prudence that risks nothing, and that , dodging the suffering, we also lose happiness.

Pain is inevitable... But  Suffering is optional ...

Sadness

If I tell you that today I woke up sad, it was hard to get out of bed, even though the sun was showing outside and the sky inviting to the party of living, even though there were many steps to take, and I woke up sad and lazy to fulfill the rituals that I did not even pay attention to what I was doing like bathing, putting on some clothes, going to the computer, going out for shopping and for meetings...
If I say that was so, what will you say? If I tell you that today was not a day like the others, I did not find the energy not even to feel guilty for my lethargy, that today I woke up slowly and late and I had no desire for anything, how will you react?

Will you say: "cheer up"! and recommend me an antidepressant, or will you say that there are many people living  much more serious stuff than me (even not knowing the reason for my sadness)? 
Will  you tell me to put light clothes on, to listen to an invigorating music and go back to being the one who I have always been... a strong woman?

You will do this because you like me, but also because you are one more that does not tolerate sadness, not mine, not yours, nor anyone's. 
Sadness is considered an anomaly of humor, a contagious disease, it is better to be eliminated from the first symptom. 
Did you not smile today? Medicine. Did you feel like crying for nothing? Very serious, phone already for your psychiatrist.

The truth is that I woke up sad today, but everything is normal. When I'm sad, everything is normal too. Because being sad is common, it is as legitimate as feeling joy, it is a record of my sensibility, which sometimes laughs in group, other times searches for the silence and the solitude. Being sad is not being depressed.

Depression is very serious, continuous and complex thing. Being sad is to be attentive to myself, is to be disappointed with someone, or with myself, is to be a little tired of certain repetitions, is to discover me fragile on any given day, with no apparent reason.

Some people say that being sad with no aparent reason is a shame! Ok. Is it? Better to get out to parties, better to force a smile, better to say that it's alright, better to release the face. 
"I do not want to see you so sad," whispered Roberto Carlos(a brazilian singer) in the midst of his song. Everyone sings the sadness, but few people face it indeed. The efforts are not to understand it, but to disguise it, to choke it... 
The sadness, humble, just wants to enjoy it's right to exist, to ensure it's space in this society that exalts only the joy and that suspects who is so silent. 
Of course it is better to be happy than to be sad but even better is no one depriving me to feel what I feel. 

There are days that I am not to samba, to rock, to hip-hop, and not for seeking magic pills to camouflage my insight, or to accept invitations to parties where I have nothing to offer... 
Let me still... because stillness is storage of strength and wisdom...
Soon I will be  back... 
I always come back... 
Announcing the end of another pain... 
And then... comes the next...

http://youtu.be/RTCwbRUGDVE

Martha Medeiros