Thia text was written by Tati Bernardes, a brazilian journalist. I read it and decided to translate it to English because those are the words I wish I will tell you the day I forget you, because although I say you will be in my heart "4ever", we all know nothing lasts forever...
But as I am not prepared yet to tell you those words below, they are not for you...yet!
But I let the text here for those who wish to tell somebody about that...
When I am able to take you out of my heart, when my mind is free of your delicious voice, and I feel quieter and free from you, and when I am able to vanish and leave you also free from me, read this and enjoy my absence...
I always wanted to understand where all that madness, that excitement I felt came from...
I have never respected your banality, never understood how I could be so enslaved to a life that , now I can see, meant nothing to me, did not quiet me at all, did not satisfy me, did not plan me, did not end me...
We were with no beginning, no middle, no end, no solution, no reason...
I do not miss your love because it never existed...
I not even know what face this love would have. I do not know how it would smell. There is no death for what was never born...
I miss the unintentional destruction that was freezing in your presence(on the video) that now is so insignificant because it was not even you...
It was Life proving me it was more powerful than me and than my lists of right and wrong...
It was the Nature proving me it was more obvious than all my beliefs...
I did not control what I felt for you, I did not accept, did not want and still was daily flooded by a life three hundred times higher than mine. I loved you because of life, not for my sake. And this was beautiful. You were beautiful...
Simply this. You, a person with no poetry, no pain, no words to bear the silence, without a soul to bear just our presence, without time to allow the time to stop...
You, the person I have still on my mind and taking me away, responsible for all my mornings without hope, without warmth nights, afternoons without beauty...
I miss when the immense distance yet let me watch you by the video, always in a hurry with your perfect shoulders...
I miss remind that you saw me so much but that you would rather not to see anything, because I was nothing for you...
I miss your sadness, disguised as arrogance, not realizing, of having neither love nor life, nor patience, nor muscles, nor fear, nor soul enough to hold me by your side...
I promised not to try to understand but just feel, feel again, feel the wish I have always had, the lack of licking your thighs, your smooth skin, your knee, your nape, your navel, your groin, all your dirt.
I miss the mystery...
The mystery that was loving the last person in the world I should...
No comments:
Post a Comment