Whoever 4ever...

I was wondering...

Is there anywhere in this world, as a rehab for broken hearts? 

I not even know what feeling this is anymore. It can not be love or passion. But it's something that doesn't let me stop thinking about him even for a second... 

Have you ever woken up with a song in your mind, that lasts all day long even if you try to sing other songs...but the same song is there "tormenting you" even being the song you most like, it torments you...

That's how I feel about him...It begins to be a torment!!!

I think it's an obsession. And the definition for obsession in this case is: "A Compulsive preoccupation. A state in which someone thinks about someone or something constantly or frequently, especially in a way that is not normal". That' s me !!! Obsession is me!!!

Yes I think I can find lots of rehabs for obesession...

I wish I could get away. To go somewhere longing(saudade) could not find me, pain could never hit me and memories would not make any difference in my life...  

But...life goes on. 

A new step begins in my life: Two independent kids, my mother in law does not live with me anymore, she is  in a residence for seniors with Alzheimer disease... I am home alone. 

I am alone...But I am not lonely... I have  somebody. Somebody who knows all about me. About my feelings, my blog, my friends on g+, my obsessions... and even though he wants me by his side. Maybe he is obsessed too...(smile).  

We decided not to live together, in the same house.   We just share love, friendship, joy and even sadness and pains... That is enough for me. And for him too. I can not say I am deeply passionate for him. But I like him very much and in a very special way. 
He treats me in a very kind and loving way...

But... 

How about "Whoever 4ever?" Unfortunatelly he goes on stuck on my heart... How is it? Why??? I wish it could be easy to explain. With answers we can at least try to solve the problem, the torment...

Of course I am not in despair anymore. After we stopped talking I missed him so badly that anything that made me remember him (and everything did) also made me cry...

It was such an endless wish of justing listening to his voice... But after almost one year not having news about him my heart got quieter. But if it didn't, instead of calling this feeling an obsession, we could call it: " a total madness!!!" 

And besides, lately I have read a lot about "Romance Scam". Yes because, as some people who read my History "The Scammer I Love" know he is a scammer. That he tried to take my money with lots of lies and promises of eternal life together and so on...

Definition for "Romance Scam": "It's a confidence trick involving feigned romantic intentions towards a victm, gaining her affection, and then using that goodwill to commit fraud."  

Of course since the beginning I felt something wrong in this history. I am not a fool! But he was the best. He is not an idiot as some other scammers who also came to talk to me. He is polite, intelligent and caring... The others try to be but they don't convince. I think he had an intense coaching because he is really the best. He writes and speaks good English while the others don't. 

But... Although all his "virtues" in his dirty job he did not take the money he wanted from me. But he broke my heart and stayed here stuck 4ever... 

But "Whoever" will be always whoever, because he has not a face. Even the face I was sure I had seen on Skype may not be his.  There are pics of "him" everywhere in internet as stolen pics of a businessman from Canada.

People say that the scammers can see you live but I read that what you see on the video is not live. It's a recorded video they send at the same time. Is it possible? I don't know, and it doesn't matter anymore... What I know is that I don't videochat anymore. I like to talk to people all over the world to exchange ideas and different cultures. But video chat not anymore... Besides scammers I met also "crazy" guys all around!!!

People say scammers work in a way to make any mind so confused that the victim can not be sure about anything.

But "Whoever" has a voice... A voice I heard so many times on the phone... But  nowadays I am not even so sure if the "voices" were always of the same person. I have all our phone talks recorded. And they seem to be of the same person. In one of the phone calls, the longest one, of about 30 minutes, he was feeling very bad. He was having  asthma attacks.

And I can not forget that voice. That voice so strong and so sweet at the same time...

That voice that got me. On that day he was so fragile, not being able even to breathe good, as if he was asking me to take care of him. And all I wished on that moment was being by his side, to caress him, to take hold of him, to take care of him, to give him my own oxygen, because he was my beloved baby there, all alone feeling so bad... At least that was what I thought that day...

For me it doesn't matter if he is a white, a black or an any color man. If he is tall or not, fat or thin. It doesn't matter even if he is a scammer. Of course I am sure this relationship would never work for us, specially because the one who had feelings in this issue, was me for him. And besides I would never live with a criminal...

My heart is quiet about that. 

My good and bad memories with this man will never die. But those memories became just dreams. Strange as it may seem, all I still wish is being able to hear that voice again and its real owner even for a second...Even if he told me to stop talking about him, to finish all this history and forget him once and for all...

It doesn't matter whoever is the owner of this voice in the video below...

What matters is that I feel that his voice will be inexplicably stuck on my mind, heart, body and soul...4EVER...
So... He will be kept here into my heart. He has behaved himself for all the time, at least with me. I don't know how many hearts he has broken after  me but I am sure he did many because he is good in his "job".
I have been the naughty one here always talking about him...
But I... promise... promise? Not to talk about him anymore... This is the last text about him...Really???
                        I mean... I will try...  

    

http://youtu.be/8BYpwnmQtIw?list=UUY13kSgluWG8BydxKd8VZhw